


and the void said nothing

by catawhumpus (ironmermaidens)



Category: Hermitcraft
Genre: Existential Dread, Gen, Hermitcraft season 6, Reckless Endangerment, Self harming behavior, The End, The Void, death (with respawn), feelings of worthlessness, suicidal behaviors, totems of undying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28587081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironmermaidens/pseuds/catawhumpus
Summary: Xisuma confronts his past.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 39





	and the void said nothing

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for an AU that I won't be sharing the specifics of, but I think it works well as a standalone too. Takes place during that one episode in season 6 where Xisuma tries to stay alive in the void for as long as possible with the Totems of Undying. I don't remember which one that was, but it happened, I promise.

Xisuma stands at the edge of the End Island and stares into the abyss.

The abyss does not stare back. He's not so sentimental as to think of it in personified terms. The inky blackness his eyes are met with does not stare back. It is not oppressive, or hostile, or beckoning. It simply is. Nothing more.

His heart thuds against his ribs, beating a hole through his chestplate, echoing up his armor and into his helmet where it rattles around his head until his ears ring. 

In his hands he holds two Totems. In his inventory another thirty-four. He tightens his grip on the Totem in his right hand, then in his left. 

He doesn't want to do this. He doesn't have to. But he does. He does.

Xisuma takes a deep breath and steps off the edge of the island. 

He sees nothing in the inky blackness of the abyss, but it sees him. It finds him like it always found him and it smothers him in its cold embrace, so unyielding, unceasing, unending. He feels everything and nothing, too much and too little, split apart and put back together again. He's taken to the edge of his limits and suspended there as he had always been suspended, at the edge of the void, at the edge of himself. 

"Xisumavoid," taunts his mind, taunts the ghost that haunts his memories and his past and every mistake he's ever made. This is where he belongs. This is what he deserves. "Xisumavoid."

He closes his eyes. Or maybe he doesn't. He blinks. Or maybe he doesn't. He spreads his arms wide. Or he curls in on himself. Or he does neither. He doesn't fall. Or he does. He doesn't know the difference. He is suspended. He's always been suspended. He always will be. He feels nothing. He is nothing.

The Totem in his left hand explodes and he yelps. The sound of it doesn't echo in the void, but it echos in his head like the beating of his heart, and he clings to that sound, to the lights and sparks that dance in his eyes and turn the void into a painted night sky, a nebula of color, alive and full and vibrant and not empty, not dead, not cold. The Totem in his right hand explodes and a thousand more stars fill his galaxy and he's not alone, the whole universe is beside him and it whispers to him that everything he needs is within him, it whispers to him that he is stronger than he knows, it whispers that he is the daylight, he is the night, it whispers to him that he is not alone. 

The Totems in his inventory are forgotten, and he feels pain, and he welcomes it. 

Xisuma wakes up in his bed. He feels the weight of gravity on him, the soft mattress beneath him. He feels tears on his cheeks. He feels the way his muscles stretch as he smiles and laughs, and laughs, and laughs.

He feels.


End file.
